Negative Self-Talk: The Silent Confidence Killer

We would never talk to a friend in the same way that we talk to ourselves.

“You’re not good enough.”
“You always mess things up.”
“Why should anybody ever listen to you?”

It is this silent inner voice, this one that is always critical, skeptical and comparative, that I feel is one of the greatest silent confidence killers in contemporary life.

And the worst part? We usually do not even notice that it is taking place.

It Sounds Small, But It Isn’t

Negative self-talk does not tend to scream. It whispers.

It shows up:

• Before a presentation
• After making a small mistake
• In comparison with somebody on the internet.
• When trying something new

It seems at first some simple being realistic. However, with time, the repetitions are gradually formed into a story: I cannot.

And confidence does not vanish all at once in a single instant - it gradually vanishes.

The Brain Believes What You Repeat

I think the worst thing about negative self-talk is that it is repeated.

You are always saying to yourself:

• “I’m bad at this.”
• “I’ll probably fail.”
• “Others are better than me.”

What begins to enter into your brain is that it is true. Not because it is true - but because it is commonplace.

It is confidence achieved by repetition as well. However, it is sad to note that most individuals are unconsciously engaging in self-doubt.

Culture Comparison Makes It Worse

We are existing in the age of seeing success stories being curated all the time. Promotions, success stories, flawless images - all put in the limelight, but seldom struggles behind it.

Comparison encourages negative self-talk:

• “They’re ahead of me.”
• “I’m falling behind.”
• “I’ll never reach that level.”

However, what we contrast is the highlight reel of a person to our backstage reality. That is not just right-- and we do it.

It Stops You Before You Even Start

Negative self-talk does not damage a person emotionally, but rather behaviorally.

It:

• Disallows your application of opportunities.
• Stops you from speaking up
• Makes you avoid risks
• Stays in your point of comfort.

And when you do not make attempts, you do not really develop. Then the voice says, “See? I told you.”

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Confidence Isn’t Loud — It’s Quiet Self-Trust

To me, confidence is not about being arrogant and acting as if you are great. It’s about quiet self-trust.

And internal criticism can not coexist in self-trust.

The transition does not imply being too positive. It simply means changing:

“I always fail”
to
I was unsuccessful this time - but I may learn.

Such little movement is one which safeguards trust rather than undermines it.

So What Can You Do?

You do not get rid of negative self-talk in one day. But you can:

• Register it without judging of oneself.
• Ask the question of whether it is true or not.
• Instead of extremes put in balanced thinking.
• Address yourself as you would your best friend.

Trust increases when the self-respect increases.

Negative self-talk is perilous since it is normal.

It doesn’t look dramatic. It doesn’t feel urgent. Yet with time it silently determines identity, choice and self-esteem.

There is no matter what thought you repeat when you start to build confidence based on belief.

And perhaps the strongest change is not to get noisier —
it is irrelevant of becoming nicer to yourself.